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Ladies, we only need two minutes of your time

It will take you longer to read this article than it takes nearly half of all men to finish having sex.  And this is a fairly short article.  But consider, if two people start having sex right now, the man will either be asleep or smoking a cigarette by the time you read the last word I’ve written here.

Two minutes, ladies. That’s all you’re going to get from a lot of guys.  Two minutes.   

I imagine a few women just exclaimed, “No s—, TJ!”  The fact that many men don’t last long during intercourse isn’t necessarily worthy of a breaking news alert.  But, new analysis is shedding more light on the situation, and men’s sexual shortcomings. (Pun intended) 

According to Dr. Harry Fisch, a renowned sexual health expert, 45% of men have an orgasm within the first two minutes of intercourse.  He calls that percentage “astonishing.”  It’s also devastating for women.  Dr. Fisch writes:  “That’s pretty speedy.  Way too speedy for the average woman to be able to have an orgasm … At least five minutes, or more like seven, is usually what’s needed for a woman to be able to achieve orgasm.” 

Dr. Fisch lays out his findings and advice in his book, “The New Naked: The Ultimate Sex Education for Grownups.”  In it, he also explains that the number one question he gets from adult couples (married and unmarried) is also the wrong question on which they should focus:  how much sex is normal?  Dr. Fisch, as well as several surveys, put the average at 2-3 times per week for most couples, with younger couples having sex more often than older couples. 

But rather than fixate on frequency, couples should focus on quality, he argues.  If you are having an incredibly satisfying sexual experience once a week, it’s possible you’re more fulfilled than someone having sex four times a week, if those four times are just so-so. Ultimately, it’s not about how much sex you’re having, rather how good is the sex you’re having?  And undoubtedly, duration is a major factor.  Even if a man performs admirably for those two glorious minutes, it’s still not going to get the job done for the majority of women.  67% of women in one study reported faking orgasms. The number was as high as 80% in other studies. There were several reasons why women faked orgasms, but the main one:  they didn’t want to hurt the man’s feelings.    

Of course, there are various legitimate health issues that can cause a man to reach climax quickly, but for many men, they just get overly excited and can’t control themselves.  I don’t care who you are, every man has wanted to take a sexual mulligan at some point in his life for one reason or another.  If the first encounter with a woman doesn’t go smashingly, we can’t wait for the do-over.  The last thing we want is for a woman to think we don’t know what we’re doing, and God forbid, she tells her girlfriends.  As men, we often and unnecessarily define ourselves by our sexual prowess.  It’s crucial to our identity and our confidence. 

Of course, as a man gets older, more experienced, and generally more confident, this becomes less of an issue, and we don’t feel like we have anything to prove.  As the late Bernie Mac once brilliantly explained about sex as a 42-year-old man:  “Three minutes!  That’s all I’m giving you! That’s all the f— I got! … And, I don’t care about you talking about me!” 

Still, it’s ingrained early on and reinforced throughout our lives that our manhood is measured, in part, by what we do in the bedroom.  Women know this, and find themselves in the unenviable position of sacrificing their own satisfaction for the sake of salvaging men’s egos.  That can eventually lead to frustration and unhappiness both in and out of bed. 

The simple fix:  talk.  We’re all adults here, and there’s 23 hours and 58 minutes worth of opportunity every single day to broach this sensitive subject with your lover.

 

Comments

Esther Boykin, LMFT
Reply

Great topic of conversation although hard for so many couples to have. Another excellent book to help couples (ladies) deal with the imbalance and find mutual satisfaction in their sex lives is Sex Recharge by Ian Kerner. In fact my practic offers a free 30-day ecourse to help anyone trying to go through the book and reboot the intimacy and passion in their relationship.

So glad you’re putting this topic on the table for discussion.

@iamjustaj
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Hmmm lol

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